Of Psychology and Psychosomatics

Nursing center that uses sonar instead of ultrasound to find babies.

The doctor enters the room in an old-fashioned diving suit. In other rooms, nurses swim in and out of diving bells. Doctor turns on bedside machine, and a round green screen appears with a spinning hand and the sonar sound. The doctor lowers a periscope to the mother’s stomach and begins peering into it. The machine begins beeping each time it picks up the baby’s signal.

“Its getting closer!” The nurse hands him a flask, and the doctor suddenly has a sea captain’s Ahab beard. “The beast approaches!”

The blips on the sonar screen get closer to the middle, and the baby leaps out of the mother’s stomach. The doctor screams, “IT BREACHES!” as it roars and eats a nurse and returns to the stomach.

The doctor calmly turns to the mother. “It’s a boy.”