A Return to Faith

How often have I been completely involved in something- an art project, a business idea, a job duty – and just dropped it halfway through, from lack of motivation or loss of interest or whatever, and walked away? How many times? How many people have I let down because of this fault?

Too many; as a single answer to those questions- too many times, too many people. More than I’d like to think about.

But I have to think about it! I cannot change otherwise. I cannot continue causing pain, frustration, hurt, because of my selfish carelessness. And I’m determined to start with God. Every other reason has failed.

Reason figures heavily into this, too. I enjoy tacking qualities onto myself- “Reasonable” would be one I’d automatically assume to my character. Yet, reasoning is not something I do well, and of late, has been ignored almost completely. However, of all the things reason brings to a life, Christianity is never included. God- the idea of a higher, greater “being” who writes books and sacrifices children- is both ridiculous and unreasonable. We were warned, anyway:

We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute.

1 Corinthians 4:10

Stupid is the word that best describes the Christian; chasing after something that can’t be seen, heard, felt, studied, or understood; wanting a relationship with the spirit of the man who died two thousand years ago; reading a book so full of obvious allegory, and then standardizing modern life through it- it’s moronic.

But so is the notion that 80 years is all we get to show for ourselves. So is the idea that the amazing world we inhabit, and the countless undiscovered wonders of our universe blew into existence by mistake. And, for the record, the idea that just because WE can’t understand something means it doesn’t exist, is the MOST IDIOTIC thing we continue to believe so far.

And what of this foolishness? What great things are we told we’ll do as Christians- senseless, out-of-our-minds Christians?

For consider your calling, brothers:not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 1:26-31

We can actually boast about our apparently low mental health, that God let us seem foolish to everyone! That’s meta-stupid!

Anyways, these are thoughts I’ve continually had, and which I’m facing once more. Each time I offer to share the good news of God, and of His Son Christ, and the debt we owe them, and the life we could have with them, I get to thank God for allowing me to be foolish enough to do it. Because I couldn’t when I was cool.

(I was never cool. I just thought I was.)

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