It is my goal to strive for something immortal, so that, when I am dead and gone, my immortal goal lives on.
* * *
What does that mean? Why would we, as extremely mortal beings, work to achieve something that will live longer than us? What will that do for us? What’s the point?
Then again, what’s the point of even living? We’re only gonna be sucking air for another, what, eighty years? What can we possibly achieve in 80 years, that will earn immortality status? Why work your butt off for an unattainable, worthless goal that you won’t ever see again? Kill yourself now, end the suffering, and the world won’t even miss you.
Convinced? Neither am I. I’ve only been alive for 19 years, and I’m already able to see what could happen in 80 years, and how I could be a part of it. No, I don’t have high aspirations of grandeur. Heck, what I want to do most is have a family…most people would consider that “a hindrance to your career.” So how could a guy with a wife and some kids ever attain immortality?
Well, I don’t want to. Yeah, I said it. I don’t want immortality. Not here, anyway. Who would want to live on earth forever? It’s boring here. There’re wars here. People kill other people, and then try to think of disgusting things to do to the rest of them. I don’t wanna live here forever! I don’t even want to live here ’til I’m 80! So honestly, worldly immortality is out of the question for me.
So what am I getting at? Where are all the high-flown agendas of a lonely sophomore?
Currently…being suppressed. I’m starting a business, and the only reason for that is to be able to support my family when I get older. I’m going to college…but only so I can support my family better. After college…I want a family. (Again, I might not get it…but I gotta plan, just in case.) My life revolves around a very abstract idea, and not much of an idea at that: How can I be used?
Once I learn to put selfishness behind me, I can be shaped and molded, and brought into fruitfulness. And even then, I have no idea what I could do. God could make me climb a mountain for absolutely no visible reason whatsoever. I might end up making movies that change the way people see certain issues. Or I could die, and something greater would happen. How should I know? I am not omnipotent.
So really, the hardest thing for me, right now, is to learn to focus on and use the moments I’ve been given, in order to strengthen the good things that are weak, to break down the bad things that are strong, and walk down the path untrod. It’s tough. It’s tough to stop peeking ahead and guessing at the next bend, or hesitate because of insecurity. So keep my gaze focused on the goal immortal, tread soundly and surely on solid ground, and remember to look both ways before crossing the street. And I’ll get there, as promised, and live in eternity with the angels, worshiping God forever.
Sounds more fun than a statue, doesn’t it?
Leave a Reply