The tetherball’s string is snappin’
And the plastic cars are crackin’
And morning has almost gone…
Christmas crap Christmas crap Christmas crap.
“I got you some cheap-o deals here,
But decided that a beer here
Would prob’ly be better spent”
SO you said so you said so you said.
But when I finally get my hands free
And squeeze your neck arteries
And you’ve got no place to go
GIVE ME MO’, GIVE ME MO’, GIVE ME MO’!
—
Two more days of e-store shoppin’
Click and press and never stoppin’
Amazon’s server’s slowin’ down
They added online tax!
Surfin’ here and searchin’ there
Pop-up adds like crazy there
Visa’s got me up a creek, Discover broke my back!
The extra charge for packages is really heating me!
What happened to FedEx’s deal I made?
I’m a stupid E-mail shopper and my inbox’s loaded up
And my spam filter is working round all day.
But…
On Christmas mornin’
With the family tied up underneath the tree.
On Christmas mornin’
With my presents by the fire close to me!
I’ll look into my children’s eyes
My wife and I will realize
The retail price’s worth more than I had to pay!
Yeah, I’ll make a fortune
When I sell my kids on BlackMarket eBay.
—
Away from all danger the liberal slept;
But liberal buttface, no defense he kept.
The wars in the dry would increase every day:
But liberal buttface is stupid that way.
—
Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell got eaten by a snake!…
—
Get yourself a credible witness
My dog doesn’t bite!
It’s not my fault you stepped into his line of sight!
Help yourself to all my lawyer’s entrails
That suit you filed kills!
Please, take away my grandfather’s final will!
Here we are, as is legally
Don’t you haggle me
I lost!
It’s not as if I don’t like your face
But you kinda sued mine off!
—
O mystery! O mystery!
What could be under that tree?
O fantasy O fantasy!
I can’t too wait long to see!
Is it a bike? Or baseball bat?
Is it some mittens or a hat?
Is it an Xbox or a Wii?
I hope it’s not a PS3.
—
Boys of the world! lift up your heads!
No more…giftless…you’ll be!
We know that you hate shopping!
And ideas you keep dropping
So here’s what you can do!
Just get her some cool shoes
And NO MORE WILL YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE!
—
I’m sleeping in a white prison
Just like the ones my Daddy told.
Where the ceiling’s missin’
And panthers kissin’
Oh no! Here come the men in coats!
I’m keeping in a white prison
Where every wall is soft as light!
Hope my sleeves won’t stick to my side!
Maybe I’ll get out when I’m right.
—
Merry Christmas, everyone.
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