I am not a very fearful person. I don’t like horror movies, because they make me fearful, and then I have to think about things that make me afraid. Instead, I try very hard to do or say things that some people would be afraid to do or say, because I do not like being fearful.
But I have always been afraid of one thing, and my fear of that thing ground away at my thoughts, and I did things to avoid facing that fear, often in desperation. The past two years, I’ve had to face my terrible fear, and I was surprised at how un-life-devastating everything turned out to be. I’m not a haunted shadow of a person. I’m not hopeless, directionless, and pitiful. Almost the opposite, actually. Kind of a “new lease on life” feeling.
I still wish everything had turned out differently. But I think I can keep on living.
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