This new one’s on love relationships. I’m seeing them all over the place now, from adults to 4th graders. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, going to movies, having sex, cheating, breaking up, divorcing, ignoring, forgetting…not caring. It’s scary what can happen when the whole relationship is based on the opposite of Love…self. Yeah, real love takes no consideration for self whatsoever. And therefore, real Love goes against everything this world has taught us about love.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can focus on the go-abouts of a romantic relationship, in all its gory detail. (Note: This is all drawn from my personal experience. What I feel works for me. You might have your own opinion, and that’s fine…but go ahead and read mine with some willingness to listen to, at least, the message.)
Let’s start with a definition.
“Date” (noun) – when used in reference to a personal or romantic relationship, it is a specific time and place thought out ahead of time and met by both persons who have done the agreeing, in order to further the relationship in a personal and intimate way.
I have never dated anyone. Doesn’t mean I never wanted to, or seriously thought about it…but so far, I haven’t been on one “date” with anyone. I made a promise to myself about 8 years ago that I wouldn’t date anyone until I felt God was leading me to. This promise was made out of ignorance of a real push for a relationship…I had no idea how hard it would be.
I have never had sex with anyone. Okay, that’s not too surprising in the Christian world, right? Yeah, but I’ve never held hands, hugged, kissed, carried, danced, felt, or otherwise made physical contact with anyone in a romantic way, either. Do you know why? Because all of these things just help pave the way for the first big one. Really, admit it: The first time you held a girl’s (or guy’s, if you’re a woman) hand, you were in heaven. But any time after that, there was the push for more and more. More contact. Maybe hold her in your arms. More than a hug. Maybe a kiss. More than a kiss. It leads to the end, and the end is your VIRGINITY. Is that worth the hand-holding? (Now, of course I know that everyone who holds hands isn’t necessarily going to have sex before marriage…but there’s always the need for more, remember? It’s too much of a risk for me.)
I’d like to say I’ve never spoiled a relationship by jumping too fast and spouting my mouth off. Unfortunately, I have, and I’m not proud of it. Just one…but still, it was enough to learn from, I hope. Now, thank God, I was the only one with a problem (I won’t go into details…but the other party wasn’t really the sort of person I was gonna spend the rest of my life with…I was way too hasty, and way too confused), but I’m disappointed at how little I thought beforehand. So after this, I’m making sure to clamp my mouth shut and cram my emotions away until I can get my face back in order. Yes, it’s acting. Yes, it’s not a true outpouring of yourself to the other person. But then again, unless I’m dating, I have no right to impose my thoughts on someone else and ruin their life. I’m willing to act a little in order to preserve a good relationship. I won’t lie. If you ask me, I’ll tell you. But I’m not gonna volunteer anything, capisce?
I’d like to say I’ve never thought anything immoral or “fantasized” about stuff and people. I have, and I’m VERY NOT proud of it. It’s one of the hardest things for a guy to overcome, but that’s still no excuse. A pure relationship stays pure, in both body AND mind. Whenever I get the urge to indulge in vulgar daydreaming, I need to stop and shake my head and clear my thoughts. Think about something else. Beware of the “humble” dreaming…it’s vicious and sinful.
In other words, to the average 19-year-old…my social life sucks. I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t need a girlfriend. And I don’t plan on having a girlfriend for a long time. However, my plans don’t always reflect God’s, and therefore I must be open to whatever (or whoever) He throws at me before my plan comes into play. What He wants is best for me, and until He says otherwise, I need to stick to my promise and muddle through. It’s hard.
BUT…and here’s the clincher…if I wind up going the rest of my life with no wife, I need to be able to BE CONTENT IN THE LORD. God is all I need! I’d LIKE a wife, but I don’t NEED one! I NEED GOD!
I needed to shout that. Mostly for me. But imagine me shouting that last paragraph. How it should be told in the streets, I suppose. So for now, you’ll see me alone. But hopefully, sometime in the near future, you’ll see my lifelong friend, companion, and wife alongside me wherever I go. And I’ll be a happier man. Until then…be careful of your emotions, your desires, and your physical attractions. Don’t misuse that longing God has given you for Him. Redirect it towards the ONLY companion you’ll EVER need.
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