You ruined it.
Yes, and don’t deny it, either. You went and destroyed the very thing you long for, and wound up hurting others in the process, including yourself. You killed a friendship, you made group situations uncomfortable, you built up self-pity and superficial affection to enormous proportions, you gave in to an unsatisfying mental desire, and therefore, you completely ruined everything. Good job.
That’s how the enemy sounds when he whines in your ear. True, and yet very damning indeed. It’s true, because, well, you did do all that. You jumped ahead of yourself way too soon, and ruined something beautiful and pure and holy. But the damnation that follows is only honored if you don’t repent, forgive, fix, and move on. Stay still and stew in your own guilt, and yeah, you’ll get stuck for a long time.
What I’m addressing are relationships that are immature, self-centered, and TOO SOON. Yes, everyone in the world has a boyfriend or girlfriend, and yes, they all seem joyful and happy. Whatever. Take a good look at any one of those premature relationships, and you’ll see far too many selfish agendas for a healthy union. As Christians, we should know what Love is! “Patient, kind, not envious, not boasting, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking…” Wait…not “self-seeking”. There it is. Lucky number 7. Selfish ambitions are a lost cause if you want a real relationship with someone. And in my inexperienced opinion, I believe that if the world still revolves around you (and here you have to be honest with yourself), you shouldn’t BE in a relationship with anyone. Sorry. Had to say it.
So for now, what do you do with your incredibly difficult-to-manage emotions? You want someone to talk to, to fill that empty gap in your soul. You feel a connection that goes way deeper than simply friendship. You need a relationship that dives to depths of understanding and intimacy nothing else can offer. You…you…you. How can you not see this? You realize that in every flawed and broken relationship you’ve ever had, the only problem that ever made any difference was it was all about YOU. Both parties only thought about themselves, and therefore, it wasn’t a relationship.
What we need, before we enter into any romance, is a strong relationship with GOD. When we are drowned in His overflowing Love, Grace, Peace, Goodness, Mercy, Wisdom, Patience, Faithfulness…we won’t need a romantic ANYTHING. He is sufficient. There’s no other way to say it. We need to strengthen our bond with God: Spend time in His Word, the Bible; pray constantly, for and about everything; Worship unceasingly…give all praise and glory to Him, for He is worthy of everything we are, and more. Talk with God. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and thus, we can converse with Him on one-on-one terms. Take advantage of that…do not misuse (or not use at all) a gift He has given all of us.
Once God has become our everything…our All In All…our I AM…then, and only then, should we concern ourselves with romance.
Right now, the hardest thing for me is to follow my own advice up there. I have such a hard time keeping my own emotions squashed, and then it is such a relief to pour them out at the feet of God, and offer them back. My fears…”What if something happens while I’m waiting?” “What if I’m just delusional?” “What if I screw up and ruin everything?” I must hand it all over and cry for peace. My doubts…”God, if I’m not right with you now, when will I ever be ready?” Questions for later. For now, it’s about walking trustfully in the way of Christ, and stepping boldly past every sinful desire or fear that crosses my mind. I’m only human, and prone to sin far too easily. In order to consider myself ready, I must wait for God’s voice. In the meantime, I’ll be working on the rest.
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