Pardon the appearance of this email. I find myself going off on long tangents, and therefore wind up spouting absolute nonsense onto the abstract paper that is this email. If I start rambling, by all means, skip around. This could get long.
Unfortunately, my words are limited to the invisible wall I have up around me, meant to block out everything I can’t understand, and don’t want to become. Sure, I have an “open mind”, and I’m willing to listen to your ideas (however meaningless or arbitrary they really are) and deduce for myself whether I’ll add your ideas to my inventory of useless material or my growing shelves of knowledge. This applies to almost everyone I come into contact with, and whether they know it or not, I’ve often immediately judged them according to whatever they just said. Something I have to work on, I’m afraid. But yes, it’s true, I’ve judged you before, and now, if you can remember, look back and think of something you’ve said that wasn’t preferable, or in that case, appropriate, and imagine the judgment raining down upon your head from me. Does a past offense impact my current understanding of your character? Probably not. Will a future slip-up result in a blasphemous end-all to your status? I doubt it. And yet, the judgment is still there, lying silent in the ever-darkening corners of my soul, waiting to attack with greater and greater force each time an opportunity arises.
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I found this email in the Drafts portion of my webmail. It’s dated June 2008, and for the life of me, I can’t remember who I was writing to. It could have been Bill Clinton, from the harshness of the words I used. There is no memory of the events that were occurring then, or the emotions I was dealing with. There was someone I was mentally judging, and this was an email letting them know of it and washing my hands of them. Whoever you are, I’m glad I didn’t send this to you.But I’m sort of happy this was only in the drafts. I must have either wimped out, or decided on a less-hostile version. Whatever the reason, this sparked my interest and I wanted to share it before it got deleted. I dunno why…seemed worthy of a public diss. Enjoy.
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