It’s 2:59, and I’m still awake, doing my best to stay up. Why? Why stay awake, when I have nothing to do? Why bloat my day with time, and then waste it so grossly?
I still don’t know. It’s a habit I formed about a year ago, and one I’m probably going to have a good deal of trouble breaking. I really need to sleep, and put an end to my thinking for the day. And by “thinking”, I mean “mental scenario simulations”. Constant, all-day “what-if”s running through my brain with incredible rapidity, making nearly every action a forced attempt to break the simulator. It’s stressful, tiring, and I want it to stop. I just wish I knew how.
Anyways. Getting ready for the weekend (friend’s wedding), and waiting to hear back from a possible second job (tomorrow?) and then…well, back to the mental torture. Will work drive away the empty space in my head? I hope so. At least it’s something to be filled. Being empty is not as fun as you’d think.
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