I never liked watching the news. There is constantly an overwhelming sense of doom and hopelessness that makes me cringe at every false smile and 3-D scene change to a useless, foul, tasteless story. So I turned to the internet, putting up with its more-than-coincedental leftist slant in order to read the ACTUAL news (e.g. reports on Iran and Palestine, and not the retarded Kardashian wedding). It worked. Less commercials, more real news that I cared about, and the events happening globally.
But when I began seeing this brand new “Occupy Wall Street” movement- reading about it, hearing about it, seeing it on the social networking sites- and I realized that any chance of redemption for America as a country is gone. We’re on a decline, and we’re not getting out. I could blame Obama, but he’s just a player in the grand scheme, and probably doesn’t even know what he’s doing.
I’m laying this out as a sad, terrifying sort of How-To Guide for Idiots. Unfortunately, I have a feeling it already exists.
Step 1: Numb Everyone (Complete)
So you’re an average American named, statistically, “Jake.” You make $60k a year and are currently paying off a house. Maybe have a wife and a few kids, two cars, a dog, probably a degree, and you’re steadily filling up the 401k. It’s the good life, and when the kids move out and graduate, it’ll be even better. It’s the American dream, right?
I haven’t even gotten there yet. Besides the movies you see regularly, there’s the Netflix subscription, the TiVo tapings, the 2,000 TV channels, your favorite sports teams and coaches, celebrity news, music artists, and actors. There’s the smartphone that never leaves your hip, constantly filtering a steady stream of music, social activity, games, and media in general directly to you from anywhere. Thanks to the internet, we can never want for anything again, unless it becomes an addiction (which is RARE, right?).
And don’t even forget about your routine. The second you wake up, the media bombardment begins, with the book in the bathroom, the music in the car, the computer at work, the phone on break, the TV at home, and the Xbox before bed. If you’re “religious”, you go to church on Sunday, and rush back home before football comes on.
Notice a pattern? Every single “activity” in your life is called “passive entertainment.” We’ve finally achieved what The Matrix predicted, except instead of robots, we plugged ourselves in and now we don’t wanna leave. The rules are different these days: Get comfortable, Have fun, Die. We’re raised that way, we’re taught it’s the norm, and we teach it to our kids so it gets perpetuated.
Again, it’s easy to blame things like a more socialist government, benefits for being wealthy, and the non-stop joyride life looks like once you stop working hard and “live to play.” But in reality, we have to blame ourselves for not doing something about it. Because we are our government, and our entertainment industry, and, I believe, the majority of our world’s intelligent population.
Step 2: Hate Yourself and the rest of Humanity
Okay, so now you’re a bloated, cancer-breeding potato husk literally rotting to death from entertainment. The government official you elected is on his third extra-marital affair apology, your child is racking up lawsuits from the parents of his friends from public school, and coincidentally, you don’t have a job anymore (thanks, Obama.) So, from the comfort of your two-story home, spoon in hand and raised anticipatorily above your half-gallon bowl of Jello-fries, you come to the bold conclusion that oil companies and rich people have it in for you.
No, seriously. The result of most of your problems are the people who a) Give you a job and/or b) supply you with the necessary means of getting there.
This is, naturally, a logical assessment. Since you don’t understand either of these things, it is a good idea to blame them for most of the world’s epidemics and crises. So from this epiphany of genius proportions, two more things send you down an unpaved, psychologically-damaging underpass, the first of which results in you hating humans.
Humans, after all, incessantly pollute their planet (if you could even call it “theirs”), kill the creatures with which they co-inhabit the planet, drain the planet of necessary nutrients and minerals, murder each other, and then themselves die all over it. If evolution is true (like they taught me in school), then I’m no better than a crap-tossing baboon with a purple butt who also evolved from a combination of headlice and magic. So who am I to impose my human will upon the beasts and vermin of the earth? I am a pathetic meatbag bred for nothing else but mindless sex and the animalistic necessity to survive. This majestic planet has been revolving for billions of years without me, and I’ll never live it down if it suddenly stops because of my carelessness.
So to impose another will, there form groups of people intent on proving just how catastrophic humanity is to the planet. We march to save the dolphins, the eagles, the rare and precious snow leopards of Eastern Asia. We spend millions upon millions of dollars protecting mountain ranges and coral reefs (my plane makes a small impact getting to my vacation, so it’s okay), wage campaigns against oil companies (except the ones in the Middle East, because they’re Muslim, and they might get offended, and also because how else will I get to the rallies DUH), and pretty much anything else that isn’t directly interfering with my current comfort level, made into the giant to be overcome, the all-powerful demi-god with cruel intentions and foul works at hand Hollywood so eagerly invites me to slay.
People will die, and governments will fall, and the sun black out in the sky, but the mighty kingfisher will live forever.
Step 3: Make sure there is no longer any doubt that the world revolves around You
So who owns those cursed airlines, anyway? And who keeps selling me gas for my F-450? Which cursed villain contributes to the budgets of that one company that hires people associated with other people whose rats roam the halls of a different company which builds smartphones made from PLASTIC? You know what? It’s those darn rich people. And guess what an internet infograph told me? You never will. Okay okay, hold on, lemme check my smartphone….okay, it says, AND I QUOTE, “Rich people pay less taxes.” Yeah. Can you believe that crap? That’s bull. I hate rich people.
I wouldn’t put it past you, but I’m hoping you aren’t talking like this in front of your boss. You know, the guy who can hire and continue funding your lifestyle with his gads and gads of money. The guy who doesn’t tell you how to blow it all on coffee and the cellphone bill you just used to look up that useless information, even though you only BARELY earned it because of all your complaining. So you take one last sip of over-priced espresso, throw your plastic cup in the trash, and decide it’s time to go CAMPING. On someone else’s property. Someone has to know how bad rich people are, and there’s a whole bunch of your friends already downtown wearing tie-dye and having sex in tents every night, and it’ll be nice to have the cameras aimed at you, for once. Maybe you’ll even get to say something. Even better, a cop might pepper-spray you and give you the opportunity to defy authority without repercussions. That would be awesome.
I’d like to point out, I’ve heard some very good reasons for the Occupy movement. Maybe even the reason it started in the first place. But the people actually camping there have no idea why they’re there, other than a public forum (not online, (sometimes)) and need to hear all these good reasons. Because they just look foolish. “Down with big government”, they scream. “Share the wealth!” “I’m homeless and suddenly I’m getting free food! All I have to do is wear tight pants and not shave!” And the world looks on, grinning at the antics of students who never knew the true meaning of poverty and oppression. You’re unhappy you voted the wrong guy in and keep doing so, but you still want the same privileges he promises. The meaning of that “cake” analogy suddenly means something. But you’re too far gone.
Step 4 (Last Stage): Repeat The Last Three Steps Over and Over
History repeats itself. It’s been said over and over. Check out ancient Babylon sometime. Greece. Rome. Great Britain. Russia. Germany. People asked for it. They got it. They hated it. They couldn’t do anything about it anymore. And they fell; they fell so very, very hard.
The Solution
It’s not the end yet. We have a small chance to turn back around. No more bandages. No more patches. No more stitches. People like Ron Paul are called crazy for doing something drastic and painful, but you know what? This country needs something painful. It needs to wake up and feel the pinch of problems. Turn America AROUND. Get it back on track again. Vote for someone who will really change things. Stop voting for the person who will give you the most. Vote for the guy who is promising you the least, and making you work for what you want. Vote for the President who cares about the country (which is his JOB) and not about you, which is YOURS.
Come on, America. We aren’t that far gone yet. You just have to make a hard choice. If you care so much about the world your children live in, make sure they get one that won’t enslave them, kill them, and then salute the memories of a nation so selfish, it murdered itself in the name of entertainment.
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