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Birthdays are weird. You celebrate another year closer to death, and usually the person having the birthday doesn’t even want to celebrate. It’s kinda like going “Hey Joe, you’re a full 365 days nearer to your demise! Here are things to keep you busy until then! Whoohoo! Cake?”<\/p>\n

Next, we’ll spend an entire day reminding alone people that their lives could be better.<\/p>\n

Not a joke, merely a statement. Valentine’s Day is coming up. After Martin Luther King Jr. Day. You know, where we remember a dead guy.<\/p>\n

Humans, man. Humans.<\/p>\n

\"Aliens<\/a>
“They keep stealing my hair gel.”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Birthdays are weird. You celebrate another year closer to death, and usually the person having the birthday doesn’t even want to celebrate. It’s kinda like going “Hey Joe, you’re a full 365 days nearer to your demise! Here are things to keep you busy until then! Whoohoo! 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