The tetherball’s string is snappin’
\nAnd the plastic cars are crackin’
\nAnd morning has almost gone…
\nChristmas crap Christmas crap Christmas crap.
\n“I got you some cheap-o deals here,
\nBut decided that a beer here
\nWould prob’ly be better spent”
\nSO you said so you said so you said.<\/p>\n

But when I finally get my hands free
\nAnd squeeze your neck arteries
\nAnd you’ve got no place to go
\nGIVE ME MO’, GIVE ME MO’, GIVE ME MO’!<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Two more days of e-store shoppin’
\nClick and press and never stoppin’
\nAmazon’s server’s slowin’ down
\nThey added online tax!
\nSurfin’ here and searchin’ there
\nPop-up adds like crazy there
\nVisa’s got me up a creek, Discover broke my back!<\/p>\n

The extra charge for packages is really heating me!
\nWhat happened to FedEx’s deal I made?
\nI’m a stupid E-mail shopper and my inbox’s loaded up
\nAnd my spam filter is working round all day.<\/p>\n

But…<\/p>\n

On Christmas mornin’
\nWith the family tied up underneath the tree.
\nOn Christmas mornin’
\nWith my presents by the fire close to me!
\nI’ll look into my children’s eyes
\nMy wife and I will realize
\nThe retail price’s worth more than I had to pay!
\nYeah, I’ll make a fortune
\nWhen I sell my kids on BlackMarket eBay.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Away from all danger the liberal slept;
\nBut liberal buttface, no defense he kept.
\nThe wars in the dry would increase every day:
\nBut liberal buttface is stupid that way.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Tinkerbell, Tinkerbell got eaten by a snake!…<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Get yourself a credible witness
\nMy dog doesn’t bite!
\nIt’s not my fault you stepped into his line of sight!
\nHelp yourself to all my lawyer’s entrails
\nThat suit you filed kills!
\nPlease, take away my grandfather’s final will!<\/p>\n

Here we are, as is legally
\nDon’t you haggle me
\nI lost!
\nIt’s not as if I don’t like your face
\nBut you kinda sued mine off!<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

O mystery! O mystery!
\nWhat could be under that tree?
\nO fantasy O fantasy!
\nI can’t too wait long to see!<\/p>\n

Is it a bike? Or baseball bat?
\nIs it some mittens or a hat?<\/p>\n

Is it an Xbox or a Wii?
\nI hope it’s not a PS3.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Boys of the world! lift up your heads!
\nNo more…giftless…you’ll be!
\nWe know that you hate shopping!
\nAnd ideas you keep dropping
\nSo here’s what you can do!
\nJust get her some cool shoes
\nAnd NO MORE WILL YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE!<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

I’m sleeping in a white prison
\nJust like the ones my Daddy told.
\nWhere the ceiling’s missin’
\nAnd panthers kissin’
\nOh no! Here come the men in coats!<\/p>\n

I’m keeping in a white prison
\nWhere every wall is soft as light!
\nHope my sleeves won’t stick to my side!
\nMaybe I’ll get out when I’m right.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Merry Christmas, everyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The tetherball’s string is snappin’ And the plastic cars are crackin’ And morning has almost gone… Christmas crap Christmas crap Christmas crap.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[909],"tags":[68,153,154,449,450,475,776,902],"class_list":["post-872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-creative","tag-away-in-a-manger","tag-christmas","tag-christmas-morning","tag-jingle","tag-jingle-bells","tag-let-it-snow","tag-songs","tag-wrong"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n