What’s the difference, anyway?
I mean, people spend their whole lives backbiting and abusing their way to the top of the food chain, and after they’ve reached the top, they slide back down into stagnation because someone with a grudge can beat them up. And then there are the people who live the quiet life, content to be who they are and know what they know, and die without ever having done anything special. Well, congratulations! If you can live a life like that, more…err, less power to you!
I don’t know why, but I’m not content to be quiet. I have no plans of settling down and being “Mr. Chimento, Boring Extraordinaire!” I feel like I have more to live for than a desk job and a couple of kids. More than a 9-to-5 and church every Sunday. I want to have a family. I WANT to provide for them. But very strongly pushing its way out of my soul is a beast discontent with standard society. And what sort of life has a checklist like, “Walk in the footsteps of the Apostle Paul”, and “Start a Revolution in America”? I have no ideas yet. I have no reason to feel like I’m meant for more. But I do. And I feel it so strongly, that it’s hard to not lay down what I’m sort of dreading doing, and immediately hop a plane to nowhere in particular (despite the fact I’m totally broke).
The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Well, if he takes away the restlessness for a few years, I wouldn’t mind it at all. But since I’m living with this constant, tiny nagging in my heart, I refuse to be anything other than seen and spoken. If I’m going to UCF this next semester, I will not accept staying in the background, in whatever I do. If I have to get a basic, anybody-who’s-nobody job, I refuse to work it and not be noticed. And the only way I’ll ever do this is if GOD is BIGGER than me, and LIVES WITHIN me, and BOILS OUT of me, and SHOWS the WORLD that a CHRISTIAN who LOVES HIM can make a lot of noise, bring God to millions, and not be moved or shaken.
Can I do that? Can I humble myself to nothing but an outer shell, and let God take over? If so, through Him, I can accomplish anything.
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