All around us, American culture tries to convince married couples that divorce is inevitable, and any relationship is only one doomed lunch and mishandled conversation away from utter failure. However, as a recently-married man in his early 20’s with a decidedly-conservative lifestyle and incredibly high opinion of himself, I’m here to tell you that marriage isn’t as hard as you think! Here are some facts I’ve picked up during my nuptials.
5. Marriage is about Humility
There’s nothing more frustrating than swallowing your pride. That’s why I pretty much never used to admit when I was wrong. Now, I find that having a relationship built on trust and respect outweighs being correct, and find myself being less childish for the sake of another person. How horrid.
4. Marriage is about Spending Time Together
At least mine is, in a big way. In case you’ve never heard of the 5 Love Languages, or taken the quiz, everybody has their own way of showing and receiving love. Mine is appreciation, and hers is quality time. It’s not the same for everyone, but man, making that extra time can be hard. Carve out your schedule, eat your “bro time”, and spend a weekend doing nothing, together, every once in a while.
3. Marriage is about Sacrifice
Body, mind, and soul. You’ll find yourself savoring a lot of “lasts” during your first year together. Could be last cigarette, or last Big Mac. Last Netflix binges, late-night parties, all-nighters, and one-night-stands. Be prepared to wave goodbye. It’s not the end of an era, or the stuff you’ll “never get to do anymore.” It’s the life you’ll never need to lead again. Having a soulmate in your bed each night beats the walk of shame any day.
2. Marriage is about Communication
You know that generic scene in a movie where the couple sullenly eats dinner, staring at each other, not speaking, letting their anger and frustration boil through unsaid? Yeah, don’t do that. Being angsty isn’t cool. When you’re upset, withholding information like “I don’t like it when you do that” or “I don’t understand it when you say this” can destroy a good thing. Being upfront and honest, without being blunt and insensitive, is part of the practice of a solid relationship.
1. Marriage is about Selflessness
Similar to humility? Dang straight. Sacrifice? Of course? Notice a theme here? Marriage is a joining of two souls into one, or so the minister says during the ceremony. So why do we still go through life feeling entitled to what we want? My decisions, thoughts, and desires affect my wife now, not just me, and I need to make sure she feels loved and validated whoever possible. Same goes for me. And that means laying down my own “requirements” for life that get in the way of that. It’s not bargaining. It’s not compromise. It’s LOVE.
I can go on about what love is, and its relation to selflessness. But I’d rather leave it there. I’m completely unqualified to be giving out advice on marriage, but I thought it would be helpful to share what I’ve been learning. Maybe you agree. Maybe you have more. Feel free to comment and discuss.
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