In case you haven’t noticed how disappointing my posts are compared to their delicious titles, my style of writing currently requires no forethought or planning, and involves me thinking of the first cool phrase, jotting it down, and then summoning the rest of the post forcefully and with little heed to actual writing techniques.
In this case, I’m exploring the concept of stressful situations, how they affect different people differently, and why I do my best to avoid them at all costs, in many cases actually causing additional stress to arise because of my decisions.
Professionally, I’m normally solid and collected during stress. I have trained myself to react thoughtfully, usually be writing down my intentions and gathering meaning and working out situations before jumping headlong into the fray.
In my personal life, I detest complicated predicaments. They seem to me a hinderance to relationships, often destroying friendships, ruining lifelong partners, causing sticky circumstances and vague, meandering nowheres for people to wander about in, feeling unsure of themselves. Obviously it’s impossible to completely remove stress from relationships. Of course I can’t have friends without dealing with other flawed human beings. It’s just that staying removed is a protection. And I like feeling protected, especially by myself.
Having a wife, or really anyone in your life who is part of you, changes things. It makes you vulnerable.
You know how Superman has a secret identity so bad guys can’t hurt the people he loves? That applies to anyone, except the bad guys are hurt and mistrust and selfishness.
To love, wholly and truly, is to make yourself vulnerable, weak, open to attack. It’s the possibility of being hurt immensely, of giving a part of yourself to someone and maybe watching it walk away from you forever. It’s terrifying. It’s worth it.
How did I start yammering about love after talking about stress? Because now that I share my life, I have to open myself up to her concerns, her stresses and fears and worries, and take them, in part, upon myself. My life is hers, and hers, mine. For richer or poorer.
May death come swiftly and with great vengeance if this stress does not disappear after two weeks.
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