Here, look at her. Look at how amazing she is. This is definitely a brag. I’m bragging about my wife right now.

She’s everything I need, all the time. She’s my support when I need a solid rock in a shifting day. She lets me be her provider when she’s tired and frustrated and sad. She cares more about me than I do, and tries to keep me alive longer than she should. She’s patient, soft-spoken, humble, caring, and gorgeous. All the time. And what’s constantly amazing to me is how much she loves me. And I know she does, because she shows it. I can’t say the same thing for how I treat her all the time, but she is better to me than I deserve.

You can’t have her. She’s mine. But you CAN be her friend, and she’ll be yours. It’s a solid arrangement.

The post My Wife appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.

It was too my wife, and she already knows, so the experience could have been worse. Still, the relief of relaying that information was immense, and only the simple act of straightforward communication was required.

Don’t get to a therapist’s couch before you start talking. Say what you need to say.

Say what you need to say.

Say what you need to say.

Say what you need to say.

The post Don’t Stop Talking appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.

Don’t worry, nobody died. Not in the physical sense, anyway. But as half of a married couple, I’m finding more and more of living involves dying to certain things about myself.

During the weekend I struggled with the death of my independence, a part of me that normally doesn’t surface, but which I discovered popping up randomly in conversations and discussions. I am not an independent man anymore, and while it’s good to hold my own hobbies, nearly every decision is a team effort.

I think I have more to say on this. I’ll save it for later.

The post How to Die, Part 1 appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.

Every time I wrote something, it always came back to something she did, or how she looked, or her smile, or her fingers and hair. I was soundly dismissed as a non-listener and bad test-taker.

Here’s the problem: All of that is very much connected for me. I wouldn’t love my wife the way I do if she was a dude, or a giant Amazonian, or a hobbit. I wouldn’t feel the way I feel every time I look at her if her hair was always neat and orderly, or her fingers were big ol’ Megan Fox-sized toe-thumbs. And of course I love her personality, and her joy, and the way she thinks and speaks and fiercely loves the people in her life. But my wife is not my wife without all of those aspects put together.

I told her once that the only way I can describe her is like a hurricane. She doesn’t like that, because she thinks hurricans are scary. They are. And so is she. But they are both also wild, and untamable. They are fast, and break on you with power and intensity. They can ruin you, or make you laugh as you run through her in the rain and the flood. She crashes above you and demands your attention. She flies over you in waves, from the ocean to the mountains. And she is peaceful, calm, tranquil, and rests with me.

Hannah, Hannah, Hurricane.

The post Why It’s So Hard to Describe My Wife appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.

In this case, I’m exploring the concept of stressful situations, how they affect different people differently, and why I do my best to avoid them at all costs, in many cases actually causing additional stress to arise because of my decisions.

Professionally, I’m normally solid and collected during stress. I have trained myself to react thoughtfully, usually be writing down my intentions and gathering meaning and working out situations before jumping headlong into the fray.

In my personal life, I detest complicated predicaments. They seem to me a hinderance to relationships, often destroying friendships, ruining lifelong partners, causing sticky circumstances and vague, meandering nowheres for people to wander about in, feeling unsure of themselves. Obviously it’s impossible to completely remove stress from relationships. Of course I can’t have friends without dealing with other flawed human beings. It’s just that staying removed is a protection. And I like feeling protected, especially by myself.

Having a wife, or really anyone in your life who is part of you, changes things. It makes you vulnerable.

You know how Superman has a secret identity so bad guys can’t hurt the people he loves? That applies to anyone, except the bad guys are hurt and mistrust and selfishness.

To love, wholly and truly, is to make yourself vulnerable, weak, open to attack. It’s the possibility of being hurt immensely, of giving a part of yourself to someone and maybe watching it walk away from you forever. It’s terrifying. It’s worth it.

How did I start yammering about love after talking about stress? Because now that I share my life, I have to open myself up to her concerns, her stresses and fears and worries, and take them, in part, upon myself. My life is hers, and hers, mine. For richer or poorer.

May death come swiftly and with great vengeance if this stress does not disappear after two weeks.

The post Something Rotten appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.

5. Marriage is about Humility

There’s nothing more frustrating than swallowing your pride. That’s why I pretty much never used to admit when I was wrong. Now, I find that having a relationship built on trust and respect outweighs being correct, and find myself being less childish for the sake of another person. How horrid.

4. Marriage is about Spending Time Together

At least mine is, in a big way. In case you’ve never heard of the 5 Love Languages, or taken the quiz, everybody has their own way of showing and receiving love. Mine is appreciation, and hers is quality time. It’s not the same for everyone, but man, making that extra time can be hard. Carve out your schedule, eat your “bro time”, and spend a weekend doing nothing, together, every once in a while.

3. Marriage is about Sacrifice

Body, mind, and soul. You’ll find yourself savoring a lot of “lasts” during your first year together. Could be last cigarette, or last Big Mac. Last Netflix binges, late-night parties, all-nighters, and one-night-stands. Be prepared to wave goodbye. It’s not the end of an era, or the stuff you’ll “never get to do anymore.” It’s the life you’ll never need to lead again. Having a soulmate in your bed each night beats the walk of shame any day.

2. Marriage is about Communication

You know that generic scene in a movie where the couple sullenly eats dinner, staring at each other, not speaking, letting their anger and frustration boil through unsaid? Yeah, don’t do that. Being angsty isn’t cool. When you’re upset, withholding information like “I don’t like it when you do that” or “I don’t understand it when you say this” can destroy a good thing. Being upfront and honest, without being blunt and insensitive, is part of the practice of a solid relationship.

1. Marriage is about Selflessness

Similar to humility? Dang straight. Sacrifice? Of course? Notice a theme here? Marriage is a joining of two souls into one, or so the minister says during the ceremony. So why do we still go through life feeling entitled to what we want? My decisions, thoughts, and desires affect my wife now, not just me, and I need to make sure she feels loved and validated whoever possible. Same goes for me. And that means laying down my own “requirements” for life that get in the way of that. It’s not bargaining. It’s not compromise. It’s LOVE.

I can go on about what love is, and its relation to selflessness. But I’d rather leave it there. I’m completely unqualified to be giving out advice on marriage, but I thought it would be helpful to share what I’ve been learning. Maybe you agree. Maybe you have more. Feel free to comment and discuss.

The post How to Have a Successful Marriage (from someone who’s only been married for three months) appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.

My name is Matt, and today’s topic will be on

Setting Goals Everywhere

My official position is a Marketing Specialist in the Marketing Department at Dakno Marketing.

I used to build PDF forms for NASA.

But after achieving my biggest goal three months ago (marriage), I realized I hadn’t set a new one to run after. It was marriage, and then….?

Working at Dakno has really helped me to start thinking ahead on a regular basis. My clients need plans for their business, and my job is to provide a solution.

Suddenly, I’m regularly creating strategy outlines for clients, planning six months in the future and setting deadlines for dates that haven’t yet passed.

It’s a strange feeling. Sometimes I don’t even know what’s happening in the next 15 minutes.

But this routine thinking has started to influence my life outside of work. Now I’m sitting down with my wife and I are sitting down and talking about our plans for the future and the steps we need to take in order to achieve them.

This doesn’t mean I have everything planned out, month by month, for the rest of my life.

Actually, I believe that’s a terrible way to live. Let me show you the benefits of macro-managed goals.

Purpose

Once I have a goal to achieve, every decision I make should be influenced by that goal, and ultimately result in reaching that goal.

The time is coming up for Brad to sit down with us and go over our goals, personal, professional, and long-term achievements.

I recommend approaching that meeting with the following objectives in mind:

I should have a goal for my life

This is an Ultimate Goal, the biggest clam in the Bucket List.

Let’s assume I want to be a space astronaut.

Or a pizza delivery driver.

Maybe I want to be a pizza delivery astronaut in space.

Whatever you choose, make it the biggest, most amazing thing possible.

It should be almost unattainable, highly uncomfortable, and undeniably awesome.

Think of the things you’ll need to do in order to accomplish that thing

It will probably involve creating smaller goals. Mine would be “Become an Astronaut” and “Learn to Drive”. Then lay them out in a roadmap. Maybe while learning to drive to Houston, I can start reading some books about space travel.

This will save time and also increase my multitasking skillset.

Make decisions to help you reach your goals

If my dream is to be Shuttle Commander Papa John, working at a retail job probably won’t help me get to Andromeda 6.

The choices I make now need to get me to my smaller goals, and eventually to the big one.

Passion

Living this way involves thinking weeks, months, and years ahead. But it also requires your own personal desires from your life.

Why would I make zero-gravity pie portage my life’s goal if I wasn’t 100% sure it’s something I want to do?

Here’s another question:

What if you don’t have a Life Goal, and can’t think of something that makes you passionate enough to work for?

My answer is to find something you love, and milk it dry. If I love distributing deepdish, I should keep doing it until I’m the best there is. I don’t believe there’s only one thing in this world that anyone is good at doing, nor that we only have one interesting subject to capture our attention.

That’s my own personal opinion, however, and I’d love to hear from anyone who has different experience in setting goals for their own life.

Pizza

Finally, while we’re on the subject of round food in outer space, I’d like to posit a weak metaphor:

If the rounded shape and radiating cuts show a focused goal in our life, then the crust would be…

And the pepperoni…would…and the cheese melted…

Never mind.

Look, I know it’s hard. Achieving big goals is hard. Being really happy is hard. But we have to start somewhere.

Start big. Your life will thank you later.

The post Setting Goals Everywhere / A Dakno Presentation appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.

Take it from the top: A marriage with a loveless connection between the couple is worth nothing. How can either survive without some form of love bond? Isn’t that what marriage is about? (I mean…it should be…)

So then what are we doing, walking around, going to church, praying, laughing, hoping…with no faith? How can we survive in a world this terrible, and “look forward” to a better life in Christ, without faith? We should just all kill ourselves and have done.

* * *

Well, since that is a horrible thought, I’m going to try and redeem it the best I can, without losing too much substance in the bitingly-cynical understanding of Christianity I am currently in possession of.

Faith is a Godly thing. It arises from an understanding of “knowing nothing” and a child-like trust in God taking care of us, whether it is best for us to die or live, to be poor or wealthy, to be alone or surrounded by friends. Faith gives us the strength to believe that whatever God gives us (or takes away), He does it for the good of everybody. And since this is the hardest thing to understand, one is normally left gasping and struggling for peace and closure, and caught in a usually fruitless search for understanding. “Why, God? Why do You let this happen?” No, no, no, NO! That’s all wrong! The question should be: “How, God? How can I let this change me?” It’s a new train of thought, perhaps, but is it totally revolutionary? Isn’t it what Christ taught in his own country, back in the year 34, or whatever it was?

I’m currently writing a script about Faith. It’s an exploration, really. Each script is. It explores the extent of my own knowledge (what I know, what I don’t, and what’s hidden away, back in the recesses…) and then draws on other’s to complete it, whatever the outcome is. I never know what the end result will be, definitively, but I have a basic idea, and therefore…a script-in-progress. I’ll post the story-version in a few months. Haha.

Think about it. Think about your Faith, and where your stance is, and what you have to lose. Can you forfeit your faith through your actions? Is your Faith dependent on a physical experience with God, in some humanized way? Is your Faith subject to your personal emotions, and if so, is it therefore easily shaken? These are good questions to find the right answers to, because who knows? You might end up having to answer them in more serious circumstances one day.

The post Faith, and Faith’s Face appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.

Is the irony in a marriage so bleak
That we use it to justify “me”?
And are life and love considered weak
That we destroy them utterly?

And yet Love rises out on top after all
While truth begets liberty?
Of course it’s screwed up- everyone falls
But will we get back on our feet?

One final question I leave you to ponder-
Are you the one willing to stand?
Or will you stay down and become just another
Fighting advice with reprimand?

The post Fight appeared first on Of Psychology and Psychosomatics.